When Times Are Tough, Hang In There
Bryant got his first paycheck from the Chinese School today! Bryant is my oldest son, and after eleven years of study as a Cantonese student, this year he finally became a teacher’s assistant, and today is his “pay” day. On the drive home, listening to my wife joke with Bryant about which restaurant we were going to spend the few dollars on, I couldn’t help smiling to myself and let out a long sigh: “Well, we made it!”
It all started in 1994, when we had move to Jersey from New York for two or three years and yet still knew little about the community. Somehow my wife got information that there was this Monmouth Chinese School in the area. Without giving much thought about it, we sent Bryant on a long, long eleven-year journey.
On the first day of school, we had no idea what to expect. Our four-year-old Bryant, who had never had any school experience, stood there with his younger cousin, looking like frightened kittens, teary eyes and all. Then in came Mrs. Sheila Ma, their very first teacher. She definitely looked like she knew her business, and pretty soon her warm and motherly demeanor calmed everyone down and took control of the class. By 12:00 noon, the new CK1A class re-emerged from their classroom with something to proudly show off – they had learned their first Chinese characters: one, two, three, people, big, small… Well, the kids were on their way!
Mrs. Ma ended up staying with the class for four years. The students loved her; the parents petitioned the school for her to stay; and she requested to stay as well. She was of a rare type of teachers who are truly caring, nurturing and dedicated. The close bond that she developed with the class was above and beyond any typical teacher-student relationships. To this date, her former students and their parents would still fondly talk about her, and miss her. I had heard rumor saying that she had been accused of acting like a “baby sitter”, but hey, if such a “baby sitter” can make kids comfortable and willing to come to classes, shouldn’t we have more of them?
Even if you have the best teacher in the world, the students still have to do their work. Like most American-born Chinese children, English was Bryant’s first language, and my wife and I made sure that he was proficient at that. And Chinese being a language of completely different kind, stood as a great challenge for Bryant, no matter how willing and hard-working a learner he could be. As he grew up, the list of homework assignment from his regular schools was getting longer, while the level of his Chinese learning kept going higher. When countless hours of hard work did not yield a favorable result, and when the fierce competition and pressure become overwhelming, you could see evidence of frustration and exhaustion all over the poor kid.
At this point, it would have been so easy to say, “Forget it, son! Let’s fold this and enjoy life a little bit.” But that would have been too easy, and we would have missed something important for us. Instead, we told Bryant, “Just hang in there, and you won’t regret it!”
So hang in there he did, and the result is nothing regrettable: the perennial trophies that have filled his bookshelves, the Chinese New Year performances, martial arts, lion dance, those would-be live long friends that he otherwise would not have met… He’s just got to feel good about himself. Oh, those little conversations that he managed to utter with his grandma and cousins when we traveled back to China this past summer - priceless!
And hang in there we did as well, for the support of our son. Which successful student does not have at least a parent behind him? We all understand that we just cannot expect our children to learn a language on their own when they cannot even go to school once a week on average. So when Bryant was sweating over his Chinese homework on those late nights, I was pretty darn sure that some kind of ulcer was developing in my stomach! And those speech contests… Who doesn’t know they actually are the ultimate writing/translation competitions for the parents, or who ever the parents can grab hold of?
But hard work aside, the Chinese school itself is a pretty good place for the parents to hang out and find something interesting to do, if you are not in a hurry to drop off you kids and run off shopping. You can actually get to know your fellow Chinese parents and develop some kind of friendship that is beneficial. I remember a few years back when my wife was pregnant with our second child, several moms from Bryant’s class, together with Mrs. Ma, threw her a baby shower. We were truly surprised and touched, and the warm memory will surely last.
I myself have been a life-long sports fan. One day shortly after Bryant started school here, I just happened to wander into the school gym, which had a beautiful hardwood floor and standard glass basketball backboards. A dozen or so parents were already playing there. “Wow, nice!” I knew then and there that I had found a little paradise where I could shake off the rust that had been built up in my body since college and pretend to be young again. After eleven years’ worth of shoves and hugs, along with a good amount of twisted ankles and jammed fingers, many of us became friends, while this team earned a regional championship for the school at last year’s New Jersey Chinese School Basketball Tournament.
Looking back, I can hardly believe that I have been coming to this school for eleven years. And guess what? My other two children are enrolled, too. The fact that my little daughter has just started her C1 class means I may have to keep coming here for another ten years! But I just feel that it is the right thing to do, and I would not hesitate to do it all over again, even though I know I have to work just as hard as the children. We are living in this environment where English is the main stream, and trying to make our children truly proficient in Chinese seems like fighting a battle that we will never win. But we have our culture, and it is in our blood, it is us. The Chinese dances, the Chinese painting, the Kung Fu, the lion dance, the Chinese yo-yo, or even just the sight of a large crowd of Chinese people, are special to me. Our children definitely need to soak in our rich culture, and don’t we as parents need to get recharged every once in a while?
Every Saturday morning on our way to the Chinese School, we pass by the Marlboro Municipal Complex,
where the little leaguers are practicing soccer. My younger boy would gripe to me: “If only I could sign up…” And I would answer to him: “Just hang in there, and you won’t regret it.”
Every now and then, feeling the burden of extra work, my little girl would whine to her mom: “I don’t like Chinese school!” And she would answer to her: “Just hang in there, and you won’t regret it.”
Yes, just hang in there, and we won’t regret it. This is an assurance that we offer to our children, but isn’t it one that we can give to ourselves, too?
It all started in 1994, when we had move to Jersey from New York for two or three years and yet still knew little about the community. Somehow my wife got information that there was this Monmouth Chinese School in the area. Without giving much thought about it, we sent Bryant on a long, long eleven-year journey.
On the first day of school, we had no idea what to expect. Our four-year-old Bryant, who had never had any school experience, stood there with his younger cousin, looking like frightened kittens, teary eyes and all. Then in came Mrs. Sheila Ma, their very first teacher. She definitely looked like she knew her business, and pretty soon her warm and motherly demeanor calmed everyone down and took control of the class. By 12:00 noon, the new CK1A class re-emerged from their classroom with something to proudly show off – they had learned their first Chinese characters: one, two, three, people, big, small… Well, the kids were on their way!
Mrs. Ma ended up staying with the class for four years. The students loved her; the parents petitioned the school for her to stay; and she requested to stay as well. She was of a rare type of teachers who are truly caring, nurturing and dedicated. The close bond that she developed with the class was above and beyond any typical teacher-student relationships. To this date, her former students and their parents would still fondly talk about her, and miss her. I had heard rumor saying that she had been accused of acting like a “baby sitter”, but hey, if such a “baby sitter” can make kids comfortable and willing to come to classes, shouldn’t we have more of them?
Even if you have the best teacher in the world, the students still have to do their work. Like most American-born Chinese children, English was Bryant’s first language, and my wife and I made sure that he was proficient at that. And Chinese being a language of completely different kind, stood as a great challenge for Bryant, no matter how willing and hard-working a learner he could be. As he grew up, the list of homework assignment from his regular schools was getting longer, while the level of his Chinese learning kept going higher. When countless hours of hard work did not yield a favorable result, and when the fierce competition and pressure become overwhelming, you could see evidence of frustration and exhaustion all over the poor kid.
At this point, it would have been so easy to say, “Forget it, son! Let’s fold this and enjoy life a little bit.” But that would have been too easy, and we would have missed something important for us. Instead, we told Bryant, “Just hang in there, and you won’t regret it!”
So hang in there he did, and the result is nothing regrettable: the perennial trophies that have filled his bookshelves, the Chinese New Year performances, martial arts, lion dance, those would-be live long friends that he otherwise would not have met… He’s just got to feel good about himself. Oh, those little conversations that he managed to utter with his grandma and cousins when we traveled back to China this past summer - priceless!
And hang in there we did as well, for the support of our son. Which successful student does not have at least a parent behind him? We all understand that we just cannot expect our children to learn a language on their own when they cannot even go to school once a week on average. So when Bryant was sweating over his Chinese homework on those late nights, I was pretty darn sure that some kind of ulcer was developing in my stomach! And those speech contests… Who doesn’t know they actually are the ultimate writing/translation competitions for the parents, or who ever the parents can grab hold of?
But hard work aside, the Chinese school itself is a pretty good place for the parents to hang out and find something interesting to do, if you are not in a hurry to drop off you kids and run off shopping. You can actually get to know your fellow Chinese parents and develop some kind of friendship that is beneficial. I remember a few years back when my wife was pregnant with our second child, several moms from Bryant’s class, together with Mrs. Ma, threw her a baby shower. We were truly surprised and touched, and the warm memory will surely last.
I myself have been a life-long sports fan. One day shortly after Bryant started school here, I just happened to wander into the school gym, which had a beautiful hardwood floor and standard glass basketball backboards. A dozen or so parents were already playing there. “Wow, nice!” I knew then and there that I had found a little paradise where I could shake off the rust that had been built up in my body since college and pretend to be young again. After eleven years’ worth of shoves and hugs, along with a good amount of twisted ankles and jammed fingers, many of us became friends, while this team earned a regional championship for the school at last year’s New Jersey Chinese School Basketball Tournament.
Looking back, I can hardly believe that I have been coming to this school for eleven years. And guess what? My other two children are enrolled, too. The fact that my little daughter has just started her C1 class means I may have to keep coming here for another ten years! But I just feel that it is the right thing to do, and I would not hesitate to do it all over again, even though I know I have to work just as hard as the children. We are living in this environment where English is the main stream, and trying to make our children truly proficient in Chinese seems like fighting a battle that we will never win. But we have our culture, and it is in our blood, it is us. The Chinese dances, the Chinese painting, the Kung Fu, the lion dance, the Chinese yo-yo, or even just the sight of a large crowd of Chinese people, are special to me. Our children definitely need to soak in our rich culture, and don’t we as parents need to get recharged every once in a while?
Every Saturday morning on our way to the Chinese School, we pass by the Marlboro Municipal Complex,
where the little leaguers are practicing soccer. My younger boy would gripe to me: “If only I could sign up…” And I would answer to him: “Just hang in there, and you won’t regret it.”
Every now and then, feeling the burden of extra work, my little girl would whine to her mom: “I don’t like Chinese school!” And she would answer to her: “Just hang in there, and you won’t regret it.”
Yes, just hang in there, and we won’t regret it. This is an assurance that we offer to our children, but isn’t it one that we can give to ourselves, too?
堅持
英偉收到了中文學校發的第一張支票！英偉是我的大兒子，在當了十一年的粵語班學生之後，今年他終于成爲了一名助教，而今天是他支“薪水”的日子。開車回家的 路上，聽著身旁的妻子和後座的英偉說笑地商量著到哪家餐館把那幾塊錢吃了，我不禁笑了起來，然後長長地舒了一口氣：「我們終于熬過來了！」
記得那是一九九四年，我們從紐約搬來新澤西州有兩三年了吧，卻對當地的社區環境了解不多。也不知太太從那裏得來的資料，說是附近有一所叫孟華的中文學校。於是，我們不加思索，把英偉送入了漫長的十一年中文寒窗。
開學的第一天，我們對學校的情況還一無所知。英偉當時未滿五歲，從沒有上過學。他和他的表弟站在那裏，活像兩隻受驚的小貓兒，淚珠在眼眶里打轉。就在這時 候，他們的首任老師黃葉清走了過來。她顯然是老手，以母親般的慈祥及溫和的態度，很快地令各人安定下來，好好地上課了。到中午十二時，那嶄新的粵幼一甲班 從課室出來了，自豪地向久候了的父母們展示著他們剛學到的第一批中文字：一 、二、三、人、大、小…… 啊，小家伙們開始上軌道了！
黃老師總共跟了這個班四年。學生們喜愛她，家長們請求學校讓她留任，而她本人也要求繼續。她對教學盡心盡力，對學生們更是呵護備至。作爲一個義務教師，她與 同學們建立起的，卻遠遠超過了普通的師生關係。時至今日，每當學生和家長談起黃老師，心中總有深深的懷念。曾經聽過傳言，說有人指責她像在開“托兒所”， 寵著孩子們。試問，如果這家“托兒所”能夠使孩子們感到舒服，並且願意來上學，我們多開幾家又何妨？
就算有了最好的老師，功課還是要學生們自己去做的。像多數美國出生的華裔一樣，英語是英偉的第一語言。我和太太都要求他必須首先精通英語。而中文與英文有天 壤之別，無論他多麽的好學，又怎樣的努力，要學好它始終都是一個難度極大的挑戰。隨著英偉的長大，他來自常規學校的功課越來越多，同時他的中文課的程度也 越來越深。當長時間的努力而得不到理想的成績，當激烈的競爭帶來難忍的壓力，無奈和失望在那仍然年幼卻已精疲力盡的身上顯露無遺。
到了這個時候，人們很容易會說：“算了吧！別幹了，享受一下人生吧。”然後躺倒不幹。但我覺得那太兒戲了，我們會失去本身重要的一部分的。相反地，我們鄭重告誡英偉：“堅持一下吧，你不會後悔的！”
如是者他堅持了下來，取得的成績絕不令人後悔：每年奪得的獎盃堆滿了書架；農曆新年晚會的表演深受歡迎；武術、舞獅，還有那些新、老朋友都是他這些年來堅持的碩果。他確實可以為他自己感到自豪。噢，今年夏天回鄉時他與祖母及表親之間那些雖勉強但還能溝通的對話 - 真是無價！
作爲家長，支持著英偉，我和太太也堅持了下來。哪個成功的學生背後沒有起碼一個家長？我們都明白，中文學校不能每週末都上一次課，要孩子們獨立地學好一門語 言是不現實的。他們需要我們家長的幫助。所以，在那些深夜里，當英偉為那些中文家課絞盡腦汁，我在他身旁也在嘔心瀝血！還有那些演講比賽 - 誰人不知其實都是家長之間的寫作/翻譯比賽呢？
然而苦幹之餘，如果你不急著要把孩子扔下好讓自己去購物，中文學校本身是一個可供家長們聚會或幹些有趣事的好地方。我們確實可以進行互相了解，甚至進一步發 展成為良好的摯友關係。記得當年太太還懷著我們的第二個孩子，英偉班里幾位要好的家長，聮同黃葉清老師，悄悄地為她準備了一個送禮會。當時我們感到十分的 意外和感動，而那種溫暖的感覺永存記憶中。
本人向來愛好運動。英偉開學後不久的一天，我無意中逛進了學校的體育館，裏面有漂亮的硬木地板和標準的籃板。十來個家長已經在那裏打著籃球。“嘩，太好 了！”我在心里歡呼，知道自己找到了一個小樂園，可以活動一下已經生銹的筋骨，企望盡量留住逝去的青春。隨著十一年的推搡踫撞，連帶著不勝數的傷筋動骨， 籃球的對手變成了好友，而去年我們這支籃球隊更爲學校贏回了新州中文學校中區冠軍的榮銜。
回望過去，真難相信已經往返這所中文學校十一年了。我和孟華的緣份還遠遠未到盡頭，因爲我的另外兩個小孩也已經在這裡就讀了。我的小女兒 剛剛升上一年級，這意味著我們還要再熬過起碼十一年光景！但我始終認爲這是應做的事，就算是重頭再來，我也會毫不猶豫，儘管我知道自己要付出的努力將於孩 子們無異。生活在美國這個社會里，英語當然是主流。我明白要令我們後代的中文水平像英語般精通就如打一場贏不了的仗。然而我們有我們自己的文化，它就在我 們的血液里，它體現著我們自己。那些中國傳統舞蹈，那些國畫，那中國功夫，那醒獅，那扯鈴，甚至只是一大群的華人，對我來說都是那樣的特別。我們的子孫們 固然需要沐浴在中華民族豐富的文化中，我們成人本身不是也應該時常自我補充一下嗎？
每逢星期六上學途經萬寶路城區中心，看見那裏有衆多的小球員在練習足球，我的二兒子會對我抱怨：“如果我不用上中文學校……”這時候我會回答他說：“堅持一下吧，你不會後悔的。”
時常地，當感覺到額外功課的負擔，我的小女孩會對她的母親發牢騷：“我不喜歡中文學校！”這時候太太會告誡她說：“堅持一下吧，你不會後悔的。”
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